Life

I dream of experiencing everything that was meant for my good. Lately, I’m struggling with life and it’s slippery slopes. Each obstacle shaking my world like unseen potholes in the road. I try hard to not swim in a pool of regret. Lately, I’m just standing on the diving board, looking down into a pool of regret. It’s like I’m waiting for that one last push into the deep end. Yet, the push never comes.
 
 Unsure of what is next for me, I straddle the horse called life and deal with what’s in front of me. Life ignores me as I pull on her bridle to reign her back in when the pathway starts to get dark. Relentlessly, she goes full force. She leaves me holding on to what I have.
 Even when Life is steady and flowing, I try not to look over my shoulder to the past. I just know I must focus on moving forward and appreciate what I have. Each day is just right around the corner from my hearts’ desire. I just know that one day, Life will be intoxicatingly exciting and filled with joy.
 
 I recognize that each stage of growth in Life soils what I believe should happen, but I recognize that everything does happen for a reason. Slowly but surely, I just want to relax and enjoy a lengthy hiatus filled with peace and happiness.
 
 I’m scheduled to be somewhere further in life. I’m just waiting for when my perceived schedule align’s with Life schedule. Right now, it’s like we keep missing each other.
 
 Today, I laughed and smiled. Such simple actions give me so much joy. Having something to smile about and laugh about means the world to me. Today, I gladly accepted those precious gifts.
 
 
 

Thinking

I often wonder what my life would be like if certain paths were not taken. My kindness has been taken for granted so many times, I have stopped counting. I wonder what if I had lived a selfish life. Would I have everything that I dream of having? I have stopped my life to be entangled in relationships, which I wanted so bad to work. I loved with all my heart. I gave all that I could give.
 
 I have thought hard about sharing my true story. Yet, I’m apprehensive. Would people feel sorry for me, or would the exposure of my story say that’s what I get? Why do I even care?
 
 Writing has brought me so much peace during difficult situations. However, it’s different this time. I can’t quite seem to get my thoughts and feelings out on paper. Every time I start, I transition to something else or I get distracted.
 
 I wish I didn’t care so much. I wish I could write and not have to censor my thoughts. I want to be free. I want to use writing as a source of strength. I want writing to free me and love me and accept me. Am I asking for too much from my writing?
 
 Why do you write? What do you expect from your writing?
 

Long Time

Life has happened, and I haven’t posted in forever. I still write in my journals and appreciate the silent nod of approval from them, but I missed writing here. I missed the confirmation that someone would read what I wrote and actually enjoy it. So, before I start out to the airport, I wanted to say that I will be writing more here and that I hope you will continue to read like you once did. ❤️