I Have Questions

Tomorrow, I travel for work, and I feel that I need to be adequately prepared for my trips.  I must find the perfect pens and the perfect journal to take with me.  I need all of my gadgets to be completely charged so that I can either read the entire time or type to my heart’s contentment.  I have been thinking lately about writing another book.

I have been thinking lately about writing another book.  As a former English professor, I want to give a shot at fiction writing. I have started so many manuscripts without evening finishing any of them.  I would love to give NANOWRIMO a shot this year and finish.  I have been thinking about setting a goal to write at least 500 words a day.  I am torn.  Should those 500 words focus on a new manuscript, complete a new manuscript, or produce great material for my blogs.  Honestly, I just want to write.

I enjoy my job because the premise surrounds reading and writing.  I want to share my thoughts with the world. I do not know if it matters if someone refers to me as a writer, but I like the sound of it.  “I am a writer. Hear me ROOOAARR!” said no writer ever.

I wonder if writing is my calling. Am I going to wake up one morning and decide that I need to write for the rest of my life? Is this even possible? Perhaps, I should make a goal next year to just focus on writing.  I wanted to write and self-publish a book this year.  As the months keep coming and going, I am so not close to finishing a manuscript to publish.  I feel like I need to invent myself. In a few months, I will be 35.  I am starting to consider whether or not my life is going on the path towards living a fulfilled life.  I do not feel like I am there yet. Could being a writer make me feel like I have finally arrived? Have I arrived and just did not know it?

This week, I am going to take some time and start thinking about my life and how I want my writing to start to transform.  I want to be proud of what I produce as a writer.  I sometimes wish that I did not question my ability to get my thoughts down on a sheet of paper or type a manuscript.  Sometimes, I envy people who can just write a book in a month and make it seem to effortless.  However, is it truly effortless for them? Are they not neglecting something in their lives to write manuscript after manuscript?  Can they even exclaim that they are living a fulfilled life with the publications under their belt?

As you can see, I have questions. I need to know. I want to know.  Also, I need to focus more on the expectations that I have for myself.  I am successful. I have three books, and I know that people have bought them, even though I am not a New York Times Bestseller.  Do I need to be famous to feel validated as a writer?

 

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